The Truth About My Marriage: Marriage Is NOT Work

We have been married 8.5 years and together for 10. When people find out how long we've been together, a lot of times I hear "Wow! That's a long time, especially with the same person...and happily! Congratulations!" I thank them, but I am surprised and saddened that 8 years of marriage these days is an accomplishment. My parents have been married almost 50 years. Eight doesn't seem that long sometimes. Why is it such a struggle and surprise to actually hear people are happy? Whenever I get to talking with other gal pals, they always say that "Marriage is just such hard work, you know?" and expect me to nod in agreement. Not once have I ever understood what this means.

How can you even say marriage is work? Why the hell do you have to work at loving someone? Being married is the easiest thing I've ever done. I'm not saying there aren't difficult or stressful times (trust me being a Marine wife, its full of stress as far as not knowing when and where you'll get orders and spending over a half a year away from your husband at a time and not really having a lot of control over your life, but that's part of the adventure), but never once have I thought of it as work.

To most people, work is something you dread doing. You dread Mondays and the weekends are never long enough. Sometimes you put in extra hours and work your ass off for a raise or promotion that may never come, with little or no appreciation. Let me make one thing clear, marriage is not a Monday through Friday 9-5 gig. If that's what you're looking for, don't get married. If you dread the person you're waking up to every morning and look forward to any time away from them, you have serious issues. If this is how you feel about your job, you can quit and go find a new one. You can't do that in a marriage. Well, I suppose you can, but you're going to lead an extremely unhappy life.

As far as putting in those extra hours and working your ass off for no appreciation, you shouldn't have to work your ass off to make your spouse to appreciate you. They should do that no matter what. If you feel like you are getting no respect, love, or appreciation, there are deeper problems. You shouldn't wake up next to your spouse after 1 year, 10 years, 20+ years and think "Well, here we go again, another day...with HER/HIM."

This is not something I ever planned on writing. And yes, I did wake up one day and said to myself "I'm going to write a book/blog about this" because I am so sick of seeing marriages around me constantly have issues. I am tired of seeing marriages fail, and tired of seeing people stay together and be completely unhappy and miserable.

Start saying thank you if your spouse does something for you, no matter how small it is.
Tell your spouse you appreciate them. Literally. Say it. Tell them why. It has a different meaning than I love you, but means just as much.

If you have to constantly think about what the hell else you can do to make your spouse happy, or feel like you are loved by them, then that's work. No one should ever feel unloved or unappreciated, or used or taken advantage of.

The only thing you will get out of your marriage is what you put into it. So what are you putting into yours? Think about it. That's your answer. Then maybe you'll understand why your marriage is work.

Next post: Communication.